Healthy Marriage
Have a 1 Corinthians Kind Of Marriage!

A healthy marriage will improve the overall health of your entire family.

It's absolutely true.

Ray and I have been married since August 14, 2004.

When we are loving each other, communicating, trusting each other, and obeying God's priorities - life is good!

We feel great. We have more energy. We have more joy and laughter in our home. Or son, Joshua, seems happier. And, I even sleep better! :o)

But...if we are arguing, being selfish, not communicating, and isolating ourselves - we feel pretty terrible.

There is tension in our home. We are weighed down by stress and worry. Joshua has more behavior problems. We have more headaches, backaches, and difficulty sleeping.

We usually have a happy marriage - filled with God's love and wisdom. We always try to deal with conflict and issues before they escalate.

But we are not perfect.

We all need daily guidance - which the Lord has given us in His word.

Please keep in mind...I am not a professional marriage counselor. I am here to encourage you with the Word of God. If you need help with your marriage, please find a professional Christian counselor. And, as always, pray and seek the Lord's guidance. :o)

God's Foundation for a Healthy Marriage

~~~~Genesis 2:19-25

"Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.

So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The man said,"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,'for she was taken out of man."

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."~~~~

As Adam named the animals, he could see that they each had a mate. I'm sure God wanted Adam to realize that he was missing something.

So, God created a woman from Adam's rib. This is pretty symbolic, for two reasons.

First, God had formed Adam and all of the animals 'out of the ground.' They were molded with earth. But...woman was molded from bone and flesh. This is to show that we are made of the same material.

Nuts and bolts are both constructed from hard steel. They are made to work together. In the same way, we are made to compliment each other and work together.

Second, God made a woman for Adam's mate.

This point is simple. Marriage is between one man and one woman. I'm sorry if you disagree...but it's right there in God's Word.

Before we move on...do you want to know God's main goal for your healthy marriage?

Oneness.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (verse 24, emphasis added)

God wants us to work together, to compliment each other, to help each other through everything.

He wants us to have a love that truly lasts. A oneness that we constantly strive for.

In fact, he gave us the 'ingredients' for true love...right in His Word!

Healthy Marriage Ingredients

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."~~~~

I'm sure you recognize this tremendously popular verse...

...It is recited at practically every wedding! :o)

It paints a beautiful picture of love - based on actions rather than feelings. These actions are so important for a healthy marriage.

Let's define these ingredients - to see how powerful God's definition of love really is.

(I defined everything here with the help of the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.)

Love...

Is Patient - bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint; steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.

When is the last time you felt like being patient?

It doesn't come naturally to most people. Certainly not to me!

The goal here is to endure trials with a calm 'never give up' attitude.

Are you approaching your spouse with patience?

Is Kind - of a sympathetic or helpful nature; gentle or affectionate.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1)

Do you speak gentle words to your spouse? It can make a huge difference in your communication skills.

Sometimes we are kinder to strangers than we are to our own family.

Does Not Envy - does not have a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.

Yes, we can be envious of our spouse - of their income, talents, attention, relationships, or affection from the children.

This will only cause pain and resentment. Keep envy out of your marriage.

Does Not Boast - does not puff oneself up in speech; or speak with excessive pride.

Marriage is not a competition. You two are working together, you are on the same team. Go team go! :o)

God brought you two together to compliment each other...not to glorify yourselves as individuals.

Is Not Proud - does not suggest an assumed superiority or loftiness; or have a haughty overbearing manner.

Like I said before, a healthy marriage is a team effort - 100% from each of you.

God created you from the 'same stuff.' You are equal in God's eyes. So, don't assume one of you is more superior.

Yes, you each have different roles to play in the relationship, but they are equally important.

Is Not Rude - is not offensive in manner or action.

Cherish your spouse. They are your #1 human priority.

Watch your tongue and make sure you don't say anything to offend or embarrass.

It's very difficult to undo those rude and hurtful comments.

Is Not Self-Seeking - it does not seek only to further one's own interests.

God's goal for your marriage is 'oneness.' It is vitally important for a healthy marriage.

you can not strive for oneness if you are each seeking your own interests.

It's an amazing feeling when you come together, and work through tough issues. That's how you build true patience and perseverance.

Is Not Easily Angered - it does not seem to easily show anger or to threaten in an angry manner.

Anger is a by-product of strong emotion. It is usually a 'gut reaction' and can be very hurtful to your spouse.

When you truly love someone, you think about their feelings and your response before you react.

Keeps No Record Of Wrongs - does not keep track of past wrongdoings (fights, outbursts, hurtful comments, etc.)

Many people who keep a 'record of wrongs' do so to win future arguments.

They bring up past issues, just to be hurtful.

God keeps no record of our sin, once he forgives us. We need to show the same grace and mercy to others - especially our spouse.

Does Not Delight In Evil - does not enjoy bad behavior or conduct; sinful or wicked impulses.

We are to die to sin, remove evil human desires from our life, and follow the will of God. (1 Peter 4:1-5)

If you have given your life to the Lord, then what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Protect your spouse and your marriage from the world's evil impulses. Set yourselves apart, and keep your relationship sacred.

Rejoices With The Truth - feel joy or great delight of sincerity in action, character, and utterance.

'The Truth' can also be another characteristic or name for God.

Your spouse should be the first person you run to with good news! Rejoicing with someone you love is an amazing feeling.

Also, when you rejoice together in 'The Truth' of God's Word, He will draw you closer to Himself and to each other.

God wants you to have a victorious, healthy marriage.

And, when you stop to think about it...you have so much to rejoice about! :o)

Always Protects - to cover or shield from exposure, injury, damage, or destruction - at all times.

When you truly cherish something or someone, you protect it.

Of course, you need to always protect each other. And, you need to always protect your relationship.

Do not let anything or anyone cause damage to the healthy marriage you are building.

Always Trusts - Constant assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.

Be honest with each other, and trust will never become an issue.

Trust is an unshakable bond in a truly healthy marriage.

Submitting to your husband is easy when you trust him to submit to the Lord (more on this later)!

Always Hopes - to cherish a desire with anticipation.

True love is when you truly cherish each other.

You can't wait to see each other after work, or for a special date...

...you still get those butterflies when you kiss...

...even after 30 years of marriage. :o)

Always Perseveres - to constantly persist in an idea, purpose, or task despite obstacles.

Marriage can be extremely tough. It is hard to fight our sinful nature, and try to love unconditionally.

Just keep going. Open the lines of communication. Resolve conflicts as soon as possible.

Love leaps over those obstacles and...

Love Never Fails - it never gives up, never looses strength, it never leaves things undone, it never falls short, is never unsuccessful, it never fades away.

Failure is not an option.

Praise the Lord that He never fails to love us!

Jesus gave us an example of each of these characteristics of love. And, we should strive to be more like Him.

These ingredients of love will transform our relationships.

A healthy marriage is only the beginning of what God has planned for you and your spouse!

Healthy Marriage Leadership Roles

Like I said earlier...nuts and bolts are both constructed from hard steel. They are made of the same material. They are made to work together. But, they have different jobs.

God made us to compliment each other and work together. We are equal in God's sight (Galatians 3:28), but we have different jobs.

Our God is a God of order and peace. To keep the peace in our marriage, God designed leadership roles. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

Wives are to submit to their husbands. Husbands are to care for their wives, and submit to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7; Colossians 3:18-19)

Ladies, this does not mean that we are inferior, or blindly obedient. Rather, that we are willing to accept God's design for the marriage leadership, and our husband's responsibility to God.

Guys, this does not mean that you are the dictator of your wife and kids. You are called to care for your wife, just like Christ cared for His Church.

Read the Ephesians passage above. It paints an amazing picture of how to cherish, nurture, and care for your wife.

Couples, keep communication open. Talk through things. Let your opinions be heard.

But, if a difficult decision needs to be made, ladies, submit to your hubby. Your healthy marriage will be blessed!

For Further 'Healthy Marriage' Reading - click here to visit my Christian Books Page. Look for my recommended books in the 'Mariage' catagory.

My favorite Christian marriage books will help you strengthen your healthy marriage, as God works on your heart.

God bless you and your family! Please contact me I would love to hear from you!

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