Principles For The Use Of Spanking

These spanking principles are straight from Pastor Craig Caster of Family Discipleship Ministries.

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Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

1. Choose ahead of time what behavior will be corrected with a spanking (Proverbs 6:16-19). Remember that punishment is given only when your kids refuse the discipline.

2. Swat in love. For punishment to be effective it must be in the context of a loving relationship, not accompanied with yelling, screaming, or making disrespectful comments.

(I use "spank" and "swat" interchangeably on this page.)

3. Swat in private, away from brothers, sisters or other adults and children.

4. Be consistent. If you say you are going to spank your child for a certain punishment, make sure you always follow through.

5. Talk with your child in a firm but loving voice and explain why punishment is taking place.

6. Affirm your love after punishment. Only hug if they want it.

7. Punish your child as soon as possible after he/she refuses your discipline, and use the opportunity to "motivate" your child to accept your training.

8. Never swat in anger or when you are not in control of you own emotions.

9. Never swat a child in a way to shows disrespect. Controlled in the buttock area and don't remove pants.

10. Never swat more than necessary. Remember to use "a measured amount of pain." If your child says, "That didn't hurt," ask, "Do you want another one?"

"It is strongly advised that you have a pre-determined number of times that you will swat your child. For example, two swats. Do not let your mood or emotions at the time determine how many times you will swat them."

11. Never swat for childishness or messiness. Spanking should only be for punishment if the child refuses the discipline.

12. Don't allow your child to manipulate you. If they try to divert a deserved punishment by accusing you of not loving them, or by apologizing profusely, "sorry, sorry, sorry," or vowing to "Never do that again," don't fall for it. If you give in to this drama you will train them in the fine art of manipulation!

13. Never allow excessive crying, screaming or yelling during or after a swatting. If this happens, put your child in their room after their punishment. Explain that it is okay for them to be angry, but acting out their anger is not okay and requires that they have a time-out for a predetermined period. Put them in their room. The time will start after they have quit screaming.

Proverbs 19:18 "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death."

"The command here is to discipline our children - a warning against parental passivity! A child guilty of wrongdoings should be chastened in the early years, while there is still hope for the child."

"To neglect such needed discipline may contribute to the danger of natural consequences accompanying the child's foolish behavior in which he destroys himself, or even to capitol punishment under the law."

FAQ -

Should spanking be implemented with the hand or an instrument such as a paddle or wooden spoon?

Pastor Caster - "I strongly recommend using the hand. Using your hand assures that you have more control over both where you swat and how hard you swat."

"Scripture repeatedly refers to the hand of God, referring to God's hand extended to His children in love and affection as well as intervention for His divine correction."

"See Ecclesiastes 2:24, Job 19:21, Psalms 20:6 and 32:4, John 10:29, Acts 11:21, and 1 Peter 5:6."

When is a child too old for parents to use spanking as a punishment?

Pastor Caster - "I recommend that moms stop using spanking as a punishment when their child is too large for them to administer the punishment in a controlled manner. For example, if they have to struggle or wrestle with the child, it is time to use a more effective punishment."

"I encourage fathers to move away from spanking as a punishment by the time their child is 12 years of age; instead using "shut down" when punishment is necessary.

For further teaching on spanking and positive reinforcement, see the Family Discipleship Ministries Website at www.parentingministry.org.

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